so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
