But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
