Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do herpes really smell.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
