Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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