Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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