We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
