dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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