now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
