please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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