am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
