Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
