im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
