My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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