Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
