just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
