i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
