how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do herpes really smell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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