PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
