At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
