Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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