I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
