i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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