Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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