Pappa wants mamma naked
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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