The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
