Sry I called you an 8
420 ftw
i just wanna soil my oats bro
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
