we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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