While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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