My sheets look like a crime scene.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
