i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
