arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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