he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
