Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
