You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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