I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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