I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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