Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
