We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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