I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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