I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
