he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
