I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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