bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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