PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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