I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
