I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
