i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
