The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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