Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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