literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
