Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FUCK WHALES
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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